nighttime phone calls

without you means
dial tones on limp phones in limp hands and empty thoughts in a limp mind,
sort of openmouthed closemouthed like a fish out of water in slow motion kind of
vacillating between independent dependent codependent i need you i need him i shouldn’t i’m strong i can’t do this i want i need i can i can’t i won’t i i i

can’t hang up the phone though your breath has long since slowed
you are dreaming (of me? of us? of something completely unrelated?)

is this (codependent? symbiotic? love?)

you say that you think of me 24/7 (or is it more like 1/1 but your multiplication is exaggerated to preserve the pride i’m already losing to you)

without you means
awake in the dark and only just noticing how alone and how dark;

whispering to myself to keep warm, where you once filled the spaces.

spacespacespaceempty e m p t y

vulnerable

(“if you would like to make a call )

halved

(please hang up and dial again-)

in
compl
ete

(if you need help) (of course i need help i’m in pieces here)

(hang up and then dial your )

i miss you

(operator.”)

[stitch me closed?]

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s