mea culpa maria

i apologized
not with my mouth but
words these things are
too difficult for my mouth
to contort into the shapes of but
i apologized
and it did not make me cry
to say i am sorry
sometimes my pride rears
like african lions with native american hearts
and french arrogance
i am all those things and more

i apologized with dry eyes
to my little humble queen
she is actually bigger than me
she dwarfs me in all honesty
she is still my little humble queen

i said i am sorry and i meant it
rare, that i mean an apology
[i do not believe in sorry but
she warrants occasional lapses in habit]

little queen upon whom
i have heaped rages and hurts
deserved by others
little kitten who has tasted
only the sourest cream from my dishes

miniature aptly-named madonna-girl
you do not deserve my tiger-madness
my lionhurt
my leopard rage
i know it
you walk willingly across my savannah

i cannot keep the ground treacherous for you
any longer
i am sorry

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